Susan’s Story

Susan’s Story

(All names have been changed to protect the privacy of the person. Permission to share was obtained prior to doing so.)

 

When Susan called me for counseling I could tell it took a lot of nerve for her to pick up the phone and admit what was going on in her life, but the pain she was experiencing was stronger then her pride and she made the call.

 

Two years ago she thought that her life was just about perfect, after four long years of both working and going to school she finally had her degree. Even though the economy was not the best she had been thrilled to get a job in management for a bank. The pay was great, the benefits were great, and she was happy to be moving into her new condominium in the trendy part of her town.

 

After getting settled she started to look for a church home and finally found one that she loved. At a gathering for singles, which she had been attending for several months, she began to notice a man looking at her frequently. Whenever their eyes met she saw a great big smile on his face, which she loved. Finally he got up the nerve to ask her out, and as they say, the rest was history.

 


Even though she had more education then he did, she did not give it a second thought. He was a nice man, and he had a steady job as a bus driver with the city. Tom came on hot and heavy, giving her attention she had never had before. He sent her flowers, never forgot a birthday and took her out, and about, showing her off to his friends and family. He even wrote her a poem. Susan, a long time romantic, was hooked.

 

Looking back she had seen a few red flags that came up while dating. The first one happened when they were going to her Christmas party. She looked long and hard for the perfect dress to wear and when she found it she just knew it was the ONE. She worked hard at keeping herself thin and in shape and the beautiful blue dress showed it off in a classy way. The blue matched the blue of her eyes and she felt great when she put it on. The night of the party Tom came to pick her up and she happily opened the door expecting him to tell her she looked great. Instead he took one look at her and wrinkled his nose. “You aren’t going to wear THAT are you?” Susan was shocked and confused. “I thought you would love it,” she said. Then he told her that he thought it made her look fat. She was hurt and had no idea what he was talking about. She had weighed herself that morning; she weighed 128lbs and was 5’7” tall, far from fat! Because it was too late to find something else to wear she had to wear the dress and felt insecure the whole evening.

 

Later, she would realize that Tom was so insecure that he constantly tried to put her down as a way to build himself up and keep her.

 

Soon they were engaged, then married and settled into married life in her home. Almost immediately things went bad. He demanded that she put her money in his account. He wanted her to live on the budget he set which meant he gave her weekly spending money. He had access to all her accounts and credit cards. She resented it but was so in love with him, and so sweet, that she gave into him constantly. Following her Christian values she believed that the man should be the head of the home. Her dad had handled all the bills in her home as she was growing up. It just came natural to her to let Tom do the same thing.

 

A year later she began to get the feeling that something was wrong. Tom seemed stressed. She made good money, and so did he. She had put a huge amount of money down on the condominium with her graduation money. When bill collectors begin to call he would grab the phone and tell them they had the wrong number. Susan began to think it was happening too often to be a coincidence. The final straw was when she was called at work and told that her mortgage, which Tom was supposed to be paying, was 3 months late.  She began to feel sick to her stomach. She had to get out of work and breathe. She went to her supervisor, explained that she was ill and needed to leave.  She wanted to go home, figured he would be at work, and look around and see if she could find the bank statement. When she rounded the corner to the house, she saw cars at her house that she didn’t recognize. She saw Tom’s sporty new car parked in the driveway. As she got out of the car she heard loud music blaring. She didn’t understand, “Tom doesn’t like hard rock music,” she thought. The day was warm and the door was slightly opened. She walked in the living room, went to the family room and saw Bob and two other men cutting lines of cocaine. At first she could not believe her eyes. This was not the man she knew! Tom’s friends left quickly as she demanded to know what was going on. Instead of apologizing, or telling her it was a one time thing, the drugs emboldened him and he started to call her names, and tell her that not only was she broke, but the house was about to foreclose, her car payment was late and he was in love with someone else and leaving. In one day her whole life fell apart. The parting shot was when Tom told her that he went to church looking for a Christian woman to scam. He said, “Christian women are all suckers!” With that, he walked out the door leaving her once good life in complete shambles.

 

When Susan called me it was because she was confused and embarrassed that she still felt love for, and missed terribly, someone who had treated her so badly. I am happy to tell you that through life coaching her love addiction has been cured, and she was able to find out what in her childhood set her up to be a perfect partner for a Narcissistic man who used her, abused her and destroyed her life.

 

Today, she walks free and with God at the helm of her life, she is beginning to feel her old joy, and peace, returning.

 

If this is similar to your story, know that there is HELP. Contact me today for prayer and/or Christian love addiction coaching sessions.

 

 

 

Nothing NO THING is impossible with God